People who use porn wonder, "'How... can something that isn't a drug,
isn't an extra-marital affair, isn't actually sex with someone else,
cause such devastating problems as divorce, getting fired, and not being
able to get sexually aroused by a real live partner.'
"The truth
is, using pornography can make you go blind-- blind to the power and
control it can eventually have over your life. Though we might stare
intensely at it, we don't see, often can't see see, how and why
it is so powerful. Did you know that porn can actually rewire your
brain? That's one reason why some people who use porn become
preoccupied with sex, develop problematic sexual desires, and experience
sexual functioning problems. And if your brain has been changed, it
can be difficult to see clearly exactly what is happening and how it's
affecting your life.
"Porn is an extremely alluring and
compelling 'product,' capable of delivering sexual pleasure while at the
same time setting one up for the great pain. Porn is like other
controlled substances, such as alcohol and cigarettes, that promise good
times, sometimes deliver them, but can end up causing much more damage
than pleasure. And unlike booze and tobacco, no one warns us of the
potential side effects." - Wendy Maltz, LCSW, DST and Larry Maltz, LCSW
in The Porn Trap
Porn can change your brain. Porn can
become an addiction to the user. I work with addicts, spouses and their
families everyday whose lives are being severely affected by
pornography. Devastated, in fact, nearly in every area of their lives
are having side effects.
Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a
licensed counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at
303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928
Friday, September 27, 2013
Thursday, September 26, 2013
Whose on the Autism Spectrum Disorder List?
"What do music composers Amadeus Mozart and Ludwig Van Beethoven,
Artists Michelango and Vincent Van Gogh, Physicists Sir Isaac Newton and
Albert Einstein, Renaissance Polymath Leonardo Da Vinci, President
Thomas Jefferson, and Microsoft Founder Bill Gates have in common? All
are known or suspected of fitting somewhere on the autism spectrum. As a
"spectrum" disorder, autism represents a wide array of symptoms--from
mid to severe--that affect individuals differently, however a common
core of indicators influence the neurological development of social
skills, empathy, communication, and flexible behavior. This
developmental disability also crosses every racial, ethnic and
socioeconomic group." - Eric Scalise and Stephanie Holmes in Christian Counseling Today, Vol. 20, No. 2
This is an amazing list of people that have a disorder that parents fear. Yes it is a challenging diagnosis but as this list shows, all is not lost.
Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928
This is an amazing list of people that have a disorder that parents fear. Yes it is a challenging diagnosis but as this list shows, all is not lost.
Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Movement is vital for children
Children love movement. Regular movement activities not only help
children stay healthy, also it enhances their learning abilities and
sets a solid foundation upon which more complex movement skills are
established.
Adult used to deal with obesity but it is now prevalent in the school age and preschool populations and is increasing at alarming rates. Regular movement helps children decrease the chances of becoming obese and thereby avoid disease like heart disease and Type II Diabetes. Movement and exercise also helps them teaches them a lifestyle to stay healthy well into adulthood.
Movement is necessary to learning. Children use movement to learn about and explore their environments and the properties of objects. They stimulate most areas of the brain, especially the center responsible for maintaining focus and paying attention when they move. It is in movement that their brains release neurotransmitters that enhance short-term memory.
In addition to health and learning, movement is necessary for learning new motor skills. Through repetition a child's nervous system is changed every time they do movement activities. Movement stimulates the nerves in the nervous system such a way that nervous impulses pass along the nerves with increasing speeds and efficiency. The repetition allows the movements to be more automatic and the movements are further perfected with each repetition.
Movement is important to the health, education and development of children. So, help your children to affect their future in a big way and get them moving!
Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a licensed counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.
Adult used to deal with obesity but it is now prevalent in the school age and preschool populations and is increasing at alarming rates. Regular movement helps children decrease the chances of becoming obese and thereby avoid disease like heart disease and Type II Diabetes. Movement and exercise also helps them teaches them a lifestyle to stay healthy well into adulthood.
Movement is necessary to learning. Children use movement to learn about and explore their environments and the properties of objects. They stimulate most areas of the brain, especially the center responsible for maintaining focus and paying attention when they move. It is in movement that their brains release neurotransmitters that enhance short-term memory.
In addition to health and learning, movement is necessary for learning new motor skills. Through repetition a child's nervous system is changed every time they do movement activities. Movement stimulates the nerves in the nervous system such a way that nervous impulses pass along the nerves with increasing speeds and efficiency. The repetition allows the movements to be more automatic and the movements are further perfected with each repetition.
Movement is important to the health, education and development of children. So, help your children to affect their future in a big way and get them moving!
Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a licensed counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.
Friday, September 20, 2013
Financial stress may hit your brain and wallet
A thoughtful article on financial stress in the Reporter-Herald:
"Being short on cash may make you a bit slower in the brain, a new study suggests.
"People worrying about having enough money to pay their bills tend to lose temporarily the equivalent of 13 IQ points, scientists found that when they gave intelligence tests to shoppers at a New Jersey mall and farmers in India.
"The idea is that financial stress monopolizes thinking, making other calculations slower and more difficult, sort of like the effects of going without sleep for a night.
"And this money-and-brain crunch applies, albeit to a smaller degree to about 100 million Americans who face financial squeezes, say the team of economists and psychologists who wrote the study published in Friday's issue of the journal Science.
"Our paper isn't about poverty. It's about people struggling to make ends meet," said Sendhil Mullainathan, a Harvard economist and study co-author. 'When we think about people who are financially stressed, we think they are short on money, but the truth is they are also short on cognitive capacity.'
"If you are always thinking about overdue bills, a mortgage or rent, or college loans, it takes away from your focus on other things. So being late on loans could end up costing you both interest points and IQ points, Mullainathan said.
"The study used tests that studies various aspects of thinking including a traditional IQ test, getting the 13 IQ point drop, said study co-author Jiaying Zhao, a professor of psychology and sustainability at the University of British Columbia.
"The scientists looked at the effects of finances on the brain in the lab and in the field. In controlled lab-like conditions, they had about 400 shoppers at Quaker Bridge Mall in central New Jersey consider certain financial scenarios and tested their brain power. Then they looked at real life in the fields of India, where farmers get paid only once a year. Before the harvest, they take out loans and pawn goods. After they sell their harvest, they are flush with cash.
Mullainthan and colleagues tested the same 464 farmers before the harvest, and their IQ scores improved by 25 percent when their wallets fattened.
"'It's a very powerful effect,' said study co-author Eldar Shafir, a Princeton University psychology professor. 'When you are dealing with budgetary finances, it does intrude on your thinking. It's at the top of your mind.'
"in the New Jersey part of the study, the scientists tested about 400 shoppers, presenting them with scenarios that involved a large and small car repair bill. Those with family income of about $20,000 scored about the same as those with $70,000 incomes on IQ tests when the car bill was small. But with the poorer people had to think about facing a whopping repair bill, their IQ scores were 40 percent lower.
"Education differences can't be a major factor because the poor scored worse only when they were faced with big bills, Safir said. The more educated rich may have learned to divide their attention, but that wouldn't be a significant factor, he said.
"The study's authors and others say the results contradict long-standing conservative economic social and political theory that say it is Individuals -- not circumstances -- that are the primary problem with poverty. In the case of India, it was the same people before and after, so it can't be the person's fault.
"'For a long time, we've been blaming the poor for their own failings,' Zhao said. 'We're arguing something very different.'
"Poverty researcher Kathryn Edin of Harvard, who wasn't part of the study said the research 'is a big deal that solves a critical puzzle in poverty research.'
"She said poor people often have the same mainstream values about marriage and two-parent families as everyone else, but they don't seem to act that way. This shows that it's not their values but the situation that impairs their decision-making, she said." - Seth Borenstein
Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.
"Being short on cash may make you a bit slower in the brain, a new study suggests.
"People worrying about having enough money to pay their bills tend to lose temporarily the equivalent of 13 IQ points, scientists found that when they gave intelligence tests to shoppers at a New Jersey mall and farmers in India.
"The idea is that financial stress monopolizes thinking, making other calculations slower and more difficult, sort of like the effects of going without sleep for a night.
"And this money-and-brain crunch applies, albeit to a smaller degree to about 100 million Americans who face financial squeezes, say the team of economists and psychologists who wrote the study published in Friday's issue of the journal Science.
"Our paper isn't about poverty. It's about people struggling to make ends meet," said Sendhil Mullainathan, a Harvard economist and study co-author. 'When we think about people who are financially stressed, we think they are short on money, but the truth is they are also short on cognitive capacity.'
"If you are always thinking about overdue bills, a mortgage or rent, or college loans, it takes away from your focus on other things. So being late on loans could end up costing you both interest points and IQ points, Mullainathan said.
"The study used tests that studies various aspects of thinking including a traditional IQ test, getting the 13 IQ point drop, said study co-author Jiaying Zhao, a professor of psychology and sustainability at the University of British Columbia.
"The scientists looked at the effects of finances on the brain in the lab and in the field. In controlled lab-like conditions, they had about 400 shoppers at Quaker Bridge Mall in central New Jersey consider certain financial scenarios and tested their brain power. Then they looked at real life in the fields of India, where farmers get paid only once a year. Before the harvest, they take out loans and pawn goods. After they sell their harvest, they are flush with cash.
Mullainthan and colleagues tested the same 464 farmers before the harvest, and their IQ scores improved by 25 percent when their wallets fattened.
"'It's a very powerful effect,' said study co-author Eldar Shafir, a Princeton University psychology professor. 'When you are dealing with budgetary finances, it does intrude on your thinking. It's at the top of your mind.'
"in the New Jersey part of the study, the scientists tested about 400 shoppers, presenting them with scenarios that involved a large and small car repair bill. Those with family income of about $20,000 scored about the same as those with $70,000 incomes on IQ tests when the car bill was small. But with the poorer people had to think about facing a whopping repair bill, their IQ scores were 40 percent lower.
"Education differences can't be a major factor because the poor scored worse only when they were faced with big bills, Safir said. The more educated rich may have learned to divide their attention, but that wouldn't be a significant factor, he said.
"The study's authors and others say the results contradict long-standing conservative economic social and political theory that say it is Individuals -- not circumstances -- that are the primary problem with poverty. In the case of India, it was the same people before and after, so it can't be the person's fault.
"'For a long time, we've been blaming the poor for their own failings,' Zhao said. 'We're arguing something very different.'
"Poverty researcher Kathryn Edin of Harvard, who wasn't part of the study said the research 'is a big deal that solves a critical puzzle in poverty research.'
"She said poor people often have the same mainstream values about marriage and two-parent families as everyone else, but they don't seem to act that way. This shows that it's not their values but the situation that impairs their decision-making, she said." - Seth Borenstein
Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Debt can hurt your health
I love this article I found in my Sunday Reporter-Herald:
"As of August 2013, the average American's credit card debt totaled $15,263; mortgage debt averaged $147,591; and student loan debt hit $31,646. And many households have all three! No wonder you report that you're more stressed than you were 10 years ago. Twenty percent of you now say you live with extreme stress daily, and we think the real number is even higher than that.
"It's not news that financial woes fuel tension, sleepless nights, relationship problems and depression. But a new report reveals that debt is also linked with higher diastolic blood pressure --- that's the second number in a blood pressure reading that tells you the pressure level BETWEEN beats. We say you should aim for 115/75.
"High diastolic pressure signals high-blood pressure problems. And that can double your risk for heart attack and weaker recovery post-heart-attack; triple the odds for digestive problems and ulcers; and lead to a 10 times greater chance for headaches and migraines.
"But you don't have to inflict physical damage on your body because you are under financial pressure -- and that's great news since stress-related health problems can cost a lot in lost work time, doctor and hospital expenses (even with health insurance) and family happiness. And a great bonus: When you have less stress, you think more clearly, and solutions to many of life's challenges, including financial ones, become more controllable.
"Step 1: Stay social. Counteract stress by investing in your social network, and we don't mean digitally. Study after study shows that people with strong relationships deal better with stress and reduce their risk of heart disease, cancer, accidents and all causes of death. So make an effort to stay in touch with friends and family, organize get-togethers, plan day trips. And reach out to help others through volunteering -- acts of generosity and altruism are good for the hear and the spirit (not to mention the brain!).
"Step 2: Make your health a priority. Financial stress doubles the chances that you'll skimp on prescription drugs, medical tests and doctor visits. Ask your doctor about lower-cost ways to get the care you need. You'll find free tips at www.sharecare.com and www.doctoroz.com to keep your health and weight on track!
"Step 3: Face facts. Avoiding tough situations or difficult decisions doesn't make the stress they evoke go away -- it amplifies it in the long run! So, identify at least one debt you'd like to stop stressing about, grab the most recent bill and do a little math. Determine what you can do to chip away at it more effectively. And then tell one friend or family member what you're doing. In one study, half of the people who tried this approach were able to stay on track.
"Step 4: Eat out less often. It's great for your budget, your waistline and your health! And clearly, if you stay healthy you'll have less stress, because you won't be worrying about illnesses and you'll feel more in control of your future (a feeling that chronic debt can steal from you.)
"Step 5: Don't use shopping as stress relief. Lots of you may hit the mall or outlets when you're feeling down. But that's a recipe for overspending! Dancing with your honey and friends in your living room to your favorite oldies is free. Reading aloud with your spouse or kids is fun and relaxing, and how about a family board-game night?
"Step 6: Adopt stress-busting habits. Financial stress increases your risk for obesity by 20 percent and ups the odds for smoking and excess alcohol use. Dodge those risks with exercise, meditation, breathing exercises, hobbies and making time for fun. They all can reduce levels of stress hormones and dial back anxiety. If your thoughts keep circling around to your bank balance or the latest un-opened bills, try writing down your worries. Sometimes they don't look so large when you get them down on paper, where you can evaluate them and make an action plan." - Mehmet Oz, M.D. and Mike Roizen, M.D.
She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928
"As of August 2013, the average American's credit card debt totaled $15,263; mortgage debt averaged $147,591; and student loan debt hit $31,646. And many households have all three! No wonder you report that you're more stressed than you were 10 years ago. Twenty percent of you now say you live with extreme stress daily, and we think the real number is even higher than that.
"It's not news that financial woes fuel tension, sleepless nights, relationship problems and depression. But a new report reveals that debt is also linked with higher diastolic blood pressure --- that's the second number in a blood pressure reading that tells you the pressure level BETWEEN beats. We say you should aim for 115/75.
"High diastolic pressure signals high-blood pressure problems. And that can double your risk for heart attack and weaker recovery post-heart-attack; triple the odds for digestive problems and ulcers; and lead to a 10 times greater chance for headaches and migraines.
"But you don't have to inflict physical damage on your body because you are under financial pressure -- and that's great news since stress-related health problems can cost a lot in lost work time, doctor and hospital expenses (even with health insurance) and family happiness. And a great bonus: When you have less stress, you think more clearly, and solutions to many of life's challenges, including financial ones, become more controllable.
"Step 1: Stay social. Counteract stress by investing in your social network, and we don't mean digitally. Study after study shows that people with strong relationships deal better with stress and reduce their risk of heart disease, cancer, accidents and all causes of death. So make an effort to stay in touch with friends and family, organize get-togethers, plan day trips. And reach out to help others through volunteering -- acts of generosity and altruism are good for the hear and the spirit (not to mention the brain!).
"Step 2: Make your health a priority. Financial stress doubles the chances that you'll skimp on prescription drugs, medical tests and doctor visits. Ask your doctor about lower-cost ways to get the care you need. You'll find free tips at www.sharecare.com and www.doctoroz.com to keep your health and weight on track!
"Step 3: Face facts. Avoiding tough situations or difficult decisions doesn't make the stress they evoke go away -- it amplifies it in the long run! So, identify at least one debt you'd like to stop stressing about, grab the most recent bill and do a little math. Determine what you can do to chip away at it more effectively. And then tell one friend or family member what you're doing. In one study, half of the people who tried this approach were able to stay on track.
"Step 4: Eat out less often. It's great for your budget, your waistline and your health! And clearly, if you stay healthy you'll have less stress, because you won't be worrying about illnesses and you'll feel more in control of your future (a feeling that chronic debt can steal from you.)
"Step 5: Don't use shopping as stress relief. Lots of you may hit the mall or outlets when you're feeling down. But that's a recipe for overspending! Dancing with your honey and friends in your living room to your favorite oldies is free. Reading aloud with your spouse or kids is fun and relaxing, and how about a family board-game night?
"Step 6: Adopt stress-busting habits. Financial stress increases your risk for obesity by 20 percent and ups the odds for smoking and excess alcohol use. Dodge those risks with exercise, meditation, breathing exercises, hobbies and making time for fun. They all can reduce levels of stress hormones and dial back anxiety. If your thoughts keep circling around to your bank balance or the latest un-opened bills, try writing down your worries. Sometimes they don't look so large when you get them down on paper, where you can evaluate them and make an action plan." - Mehmet Oz, M.D. and Mike Roizen, M.D.
Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT
She is a counselor in Westminster and Fort Collins, ColoradoShe can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928
Saturday, September 14, 2013
Children are the most vulnerable among us
"Approximately 25% of all children in the United States will
experience at least one significant traumatic event before the age of
16, with 15% of girls and 6% of boys developing symptoms of
post-traumatic stress disorder. Unintentional injury remains the
leading cause of death among those aged 14 and younger, while nearly
38,000 injuries occur on a daily basis that require medical
attention--nearly half-million emergency room visits annually for
traumatic brain injuries. More than 10,000 children are diagnosed with
cancer every year, and the most common tumors are brain-related. Each
year, somewhere between three to four million reports of childhood abuse
and neglect are filed with state and local Child Protective Services
(60% of all cases are under the age of 13). Over 800,000 minors are
reported missing each year (2,200 times every single day). Minors
account for 39% of the homeless population in the United State (almost
half of those are under the age of five) and there are an estimated 1.3
million homeless and runaway street kids throughout the country.
(Sources: Center for Disease Control and Prevention, National Institutes
of Health, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, FBI National
Crime Information Center, National Coalition for the Homeless)
"The above statistics are staggering and can leave most people feeling overwhelmed. Many of these trauma-orientated life experiences can create significant emotional, cognitive, behavioral and relational obstacles that children and their families must face and overcome. However, some problems also arise, not so much as a result of certain incidents being perpetrated upon unsuspecting children, but simply due to complications during pregnancy or because of genetic and birth defects. Nevertheless, with 46 million children under the age of 11 (15% of the total U.S. census), this demographic cannot be summarily dismissed or ignored....
"Therapeutic work with children often requires additional training and expertise due to a number of developmental factors that may be present and the need to have sufficient awareness regarding attachment theory, neuro-biological considerations, and early life experiences, as well as the various nuances within most family relationships. When it comes to assessment, diagnostic conclusions and treatment interventions, an adept practitioner must be well-versed in systemic processes, behavioral approaches such as play therapy, and have the ability to connect and communicate with children at their level. While it is not necessary for every therapist to be able to complete a full psychological evaluation, the ability to understand the findings and incorporate specific recommendations is for effective counseling to take place. Albert Einstein once commented, "Play is the highest form of research." - Christian Counseling Today, vol. 20, no. 2
Children are the most vulnerable among us. Children are our most precious responsibility. When they have emotional hurts, it is important to take care of them just as helping a physical wound heal.
Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.
"The above statistics are staggering and can leave most people feeling overwhelmed. Many of these trauma-orientated life experiences can create significant emotional, cognitive, behavioral and relational obstacles that children and their families must face and overcome. However, some problems also arise, not so much as a result of certain incidents being perpetrated upon unsuspecting children, but simply due to complications during pregnancy or because of genetic and birth defects. Nevertheless, with 46 million children under the age of 11 (15% of the total U.S. census), this demographic cannot be summarily dismissed or ignored....
"Therapeutic work with children often requires additional training and expertise due to a number of developmental factors that may be present and the need to have sufficient awareness regarding attachment theory, neuro-biological considerations, and early life experiences, as well as the various nuances within most family relationships. When it comes to assessment, diagnostic conclusions and treatment interventions, an adept practitioner must be well-versed in systemic processes, behavioral approaches such as play therapy, and have the ability to connect and communicate with children at their level. While it is not necessary for every therapist to be able to complete a full psychological evaluation, the ability to understand the findings and incorporate specific recommendations is for effective counseling to take place. Albert Einstein once commented, "Play is the highest form of research." - Christian Counseling Today, vol. 20, no. 2
Children are the most vulnerable among us. Children are our most precious responsibility. When they have emotional hurts, it is important to take care of them just as helping a physical wound heal.
Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928.
Saturday, September 7, 2013
God-centered joy
"When we choose well, the paths of surrender, relationship, acceptance and trust lead us to Him and His power.
"Now we are standing in front of another fork. This time, we're seeking a path that will deliver us to something we're all looking for: joy, What's interesting, however, it that the trail to joy is unmarked, full of rocks and overgrown weeds, and rarely traveled. As a result, whenever we arrive at this fork, we almost always choose the wrong path--and end up wondering why we're lost.
"To put this is plain terms, we often think possessions and things will make us happy. Food, Sex. Money. A new dress, couch, car, home, job or spouse. We think that if we rearrange the circumstances, everything will get better. Eventually, some of us figure it out, at least some of the time, that isn't how it works. The external possessions and things are enticing and may offer temporary pleasure, but ultimately, they don't make a difference. They are the wrong path.
"Joy springs from an internal choice--a decision of the heart about the heart. It has nothing to do with circumstances and everything to do with God and where we are going with Him. It also--and this is the part that trips us up--has little to do with what we, in all our "wisdom," want and believe we need. The path that leads to joy is based entirely on what God desires for us. Once we begin to walk in the direction He's pointing out to us, we discover true delight.
"Said another way, joy results when we focus more on God and less...on ourselves." - Jim Daly in Stronger
We all want joy in our lives. We can try to fill that space in our lives with things, and entertainment, but those things are fleeting. Inner joy comes from being who we are made to be, aligned with God. Then even when things aren't perfect we can be content and joyful.
Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928
"Now we are standing in front of another fork. This time, we're seeking a path that will deliver us to something we're all looking for: joy, What's interesting, however, it that the trail to joy is unmarked, full of rocks and overgrown weeds, and rarely traveled. As a result, whenever we arrive at this fork, we almost always choose the wrong path--and end up wondering why we're lost.
"To put this is plain terms, we often think possessions and things will make us happy. Food, Sex. Money. A new dress, couch, car, home, job or spouse. We think that if we rearrange the circumstances, everything will get better. Eventually, some of us figure it out, at least some of the time, that isn't how it works. The external possessions and things are enticing and may offer temporary pleasure, but ultimately, they don't make a difference. They are the wrong path.
"Joy springs from an internal choice--a decision of the heart about the heart. It has nothing to do with circumstances and everything to do with God and where we are going with Him. It also--and this is the part that trips us up--has little to do with what we, in all our "wisdom," want and believe we need. The path that leads to joy is based entirely on what God desires for us. Once we begin to walk in the direction He's pointing out to us, we discover true delight.
"Said another way, joy results when we focus more on God and less...on ourselves." - Jim Daly in Stronger
We all want joy in our lives. We can try to fill that space in our lives with things, and entertainment, but those things are fleeting. Inner joy comes from being who we are made to be, aligned with God. Then even when things aren't perfect we can be content and joyful.
Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928
A worship story
This is a great worship story by Jim Daly in Stronger:
"I remember a day when I was especially low emotionally.... I was home for lunch in my suit and tie, alone, staring into the bathroom mirror. Staring back was a discouraged and confused individual. Sure, I'd dedicated my life to the Lord a few years before. But I was still figuring out just what that meant for me. I dreamed of a life of meaning, but at that moment, I felt incredibly empty.
"Lord, I prayed, what am I doing? Is this what life is about? I'm just a cog in the system, working from eight to six and trying to make a living. What do You want from me? What do I need to do? Is this all You have for me?
"The guy in the mirror was losing hope.
"It occurred to me in that moment that I was really immersed in what was happening--or actually, not happening--in my life. I didn't see a clear path to the future, and I was letting it destroy my present.
"Okay, I thought, it doesn't have to be this way. I'm not going to let my circumstances dictate my feelings
"I decided that it was time for drastic action--I needed to start singing songs of praise to God. I .say 'drastic' because I wasn't much into music at the time, and I was a terrible singer. I didn't know any worship-song melodies or words, so I just started making them up....
"'God, You are an awesome God,' I sang. "You are the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords. You have my life in Your hands.' As I sang, something strange happened. I felt an overwhelming and wonderful change inside, as if someone had poured a bucket of joy on top of me. It spread throughout my body until I was literally filled with an intense sensation of bliss. I felt the Lord's presence; I felt that everything was going to be all right. I'd never experienced anything like it before.
"Pretty soon, I was doing more than singing. Right there in the bathroom, and out into the bedroom, I started dancing. I really couldn't help myself. I wanted to honor the Lord in every way. God was in control, and I was just enjoying the ride.
"Finally, I looked back in the mirror and smiled. The guy in front of me didn't appear anything like the forlorn fellow I'd seen a few minutes before.
"'Okay, Lord,' I said, 'I'm just going to go finish my day. We're going to have fun.'"
Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928
"I remember a day when I was especially low emotionally.... I was home for lunch in my suit and tie, alone, staring into the bathroom mirror. Staring back was a discouraged and confused individual. Sure, I'd dedicated my life to the Lord a few years before. But I was still figuring out just what that meant for me. I dreamed of a life of meaning, but at that moment, I felt incredibly empty.
"Lord, I prayed, what am I doing? Is this what life is about? I'm just a cog in the system, working from eight to six and trying to make a living. What do You want from me? What do I need to do? Is this all You have for me?
"The guy in the mirror was losing hope.
"It occurred to me in that moment that I was really immersed in what was happening--or actually, not happening--in my life. I didn't see a clear path to the future, and I was letting it destroy my present.
"Okay, I thought, it doesn't have to be this way. I'm not going to let my circumstances dictate my feelings
"I decided that it was time for drastic action--I needed to start singing songs of praise to God. I .say 'drastic' because I wasn't much into music at the time, and I was a terrible singer. I didn't know any worship-song melodies or words, so I just started making them up....
"'God, You are an awesome God,' I sang. "You are the King of Kings, the Lord of Lords. You have my life in Your hands.' As I sang, something strange happened. I felt an overwhelming and wonderful change inside, as if someone had poured a bucket of joy on top of me. It spread throughout my body until I was literally filled with an intense sensation of bliss. I felt the Lord's presence; I felt that everything was going to be all right. I'd never experienced anything like it before.
"Pretty soon, I was doing more than singing. Right there in the bathroom, and out into the bedroom, I started dancing. I really couldn't help myself. I wanted to honor the Lord in every way. God was in control, and I was just enjoying the ride.
"Finally, I looked back in the mirror and smiled. The guy in front of me didn't appear anything like the forlorn fellow I'd seen a few minutes before.
"'Okay, Lord,' I said, 'I'm just going to go finish my day. We're going to have fun.'"
Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Love addiction, part 2
Last, I wrote that love addicts and avoidants develop unhealthy
patterns of dependency, distance, chaos, and often abuse. In this
article, I will describe the types of love addiction.
The types of love addiction are:
* Obsessed love addiction: This type of addiction comes with the inability to live independently from another person, or a feeling of possession. The person may continue the obsession years after the relationship has ended.
* Codependency addiction: This type spins around the desired person. The partner’s life is the focus, not the love addict.
* Relationship addiction: This often manifests as an addiction to the idea of having a relationship, instead of the development of an authentic relationship. There are two types: those who are constantly in and out of relationships and those who will not let go of a bad relationship for the sake of having a healthy relationship.
* Narcissistic love addiction: This type is all about the love addict, not about the person of affection.
* Ambivalent love addiction: Having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about someone is what this love addict encounters.
* Romance addiction: This can represent itself as an obsession over romance itself, including, but not limited to adventure and passion. People suffering with this type of love addiction worry about romantic rituals such as dates, dinner, sex, and everything else that has to do with a passing romance. This can often be a living out of the person's individual fantasies. A typical example is the legendary Don Juan. The love addict will seek seduction and conquest, but quickly tire of it.
By Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT
Renee has offices in Westminster and Fort Collins, Colorado. Her work number is 303-257-7623 and 970-324-6928
The types of love addiction are:
* Obsessed love addiction: This type of addiction comes with the inability to live independently from another person, or a feeling of possession. The person may continue the obsession years after the relationship has ended.
* Codependency addiction: This type spins around the desired person. The partner’s life is the focus, not the love addict.
* Relationship addiction: This often manifests as an addiction to the idea of having a relationship, instead of the development of an authentic relationship. There are two types: those who are constantly in and out of relationships and those who will not let go of a bad relationship for the sake of having a healthy relationship.
* Narcissistic love addiction: This type is all about the love addict, not about the person of affection.
* Ambivalent love addiction: Having mixed feelings or contradictory ideas about someone is what this love addict encounters.
* Romance addiction: This can represent itself as an obsession over romance itself, including, but not limited to adventure and passion. People suffering with this type of love addiction worry about romantic rituals such as dates, dinner, sex, and everything else that has to do with a passing romance. This can often be a living out of the person's individual fantasies. A typical example is the legendary Don Juan. The love addict will seek seduction and conquest, but quickly tire of it.
By Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT
Renee has offices in Westminster and Fort Collins, Colorado. Her work number is 303-257-7623 and 970-324-6928
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Love addiction, part 1
Love addicts and avoidants form relationships that inevitably lead to
unhealthy patterns of dependency, distance, chaos, and often abuse.
Familiarity is the central engine of the love addiction. Each is
attracted to the other specifically because of the familiar traits that
the other exhibits. These are patterns learned in childhood and
continue into adulthood despite the pain that is caused. When the two
addictive lovers come together --- a common and predictable relational
process is ignited. Reference http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_addiction
This cycle of love addiction encompasses a push-pull dance full of emotional highs and lows where the one is on the chase (love addiction) while the avoidant is on the run. They both engage in "counterfeit emotional involvement” which consists of melodrama and negative intensity. This dance creates the illusion of true love, intimacy, and connection.
The negative consequences of love addiction can vary. Depending on the severity of ones love addiction, negative consequences can range from violence (to others or self) to increased feelings of shame, depression, impaired emotional growth, chronic emptiness, loneliness, and loss of intimacy and enjoyment in life. In its extreme form, love addiction causes more murders and suicides than any other addiction.
The consequences of love addiction are most-clearly revealed when the love addict experiences withdrawal, which occurs when a relationship has ended or is perceived as falling apart. When a break-up occurs, the love addict longs for the attachment and apparent loving feelings of the lost relationship, as much as a heroin user craves the drug that is no longer available. This longing is a form of emotional withdrawal that leads to debilitating pain, obsession, and destructive behaviors atypical of that person’s usual behavior patterns.
www.the-wind-project.com
This cycle of love addiction encompasses a push-pull dance full of emotional highs and lows where the one is on the chase (love addiction) while the avoidant is on the run. They both engage in "counterfeit emotional involvement” which consists of melodrama and negative intensity. This dance creates the illusion of true love, intimacy, and connection.
The negative consequences of love addiction can vary. Depending on the severity of ones love addiction, negative consequences can range from violence (to others or self) to increased feelings of shame, depression, impaired emotional growth, chronic emptiness, loneliness, and loss of intimacy and enjoyment in life. In its extreme form, love addiction causes more murders and suicides than any other addiction.
The consequences of love addiction are most-clearly revealed when the love addict experiences withdrawal, which occurs when a relationship has ended or is perceived as falling apart. When a break-up occurs, the love addict longs for the attachment and apparent loving feelings of the lost relationship, as much as a heroin user craves the drug that is no longer available. This longing is a form of emotional withdrawal that leads to debilitating pain, obsession, and destructive behaviors atypical of that person’s usual behavior patterns.
www.the-wind-project.com
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