http://youtu.be/3H9PzdUotoU
Friday, March 22, 2013
Who Am I?
"I am not what has happened to me but am what I am going to become." - Carl Jung
I like this quote, it offers hope. It is important to keep working to become a better person. To keep making healthier choices for yourself will in the end make your life healthier after a time.
www.the-wind-project.com
I like this quote, it offers hope. It is important to keep working to become a better person. To keep making healthier choices for yourself will in the end make your life healthier after a time.
www.the-wind-project.com
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Working Brain's Primitives and Ambassadors
“Identifying your primitives in action helps to hold them in check.
Now that you know who your primitives are and how they operate, see if
you can catch them in the act. When a red alert is going off, for
example, can you recognize it for what is? I’m not suggesting you will
automatically know how to instantly turn it off. First simply recognize
that your amygdalae are sounding an alarm. This alarm may take the
form of your heart racing, palms sweating, face burning, or muscles
tightening, or you may notice yourself suddenly becoming weak, slouched,
nauseous, faint, numb, or shut down.
“Of course, identifying your primitives can be accomplished only by none other than…your ambassadors; specifically, your hippocampus. By definition, if you are able to notice your primitives in action, they can’t have gained the upper hand. If they have, it’s too late; better luck next time. And you can be assured that there most likely will be a next time.
“It’s always helpful to recognize what works well, in addition to what does not. For this reason, I also recommend identifying your ambassadors. Notice when they step up to the plate in support of your relationship; give them credit where credit is due. And invite them step forward whenever their warmth, wisdom, calm are needed.
“If your primitives are allowed to have their way–as sometimes happens–there will be no lollygagging around when danger’s afoot. Life will be filled with one crisis after another, as you continually fire blind without thinking of the consequences. But when relationships are at stake, you want to avoid pulling the trigger. So call on your ambassadors to slow things down.
“Identify your partner’s primitives and ambassadors in action. At times, especially if your partner’s primitives are large and in charge, you may be able to do this before your partner can. Likewise, your partner sometimes may be able to do it for you before you can yourself. – Stan Tatkin in Wired for Love
What an awesome description of explaining what to do to have life and relationships work. Of course it is easier said than done. Like he said “better luck next time,” as you try again to calm the primitives down so the ambassadors can work well.
“Of course, identifying your primitives can be accomplished only by none other than…your ambassadors; specifically, your hippocampus. By definition, if you are able to notice your primitives in action, they can’t have gained the upper hand. If they have, it’s too late; better luck next time. And you can be assured that there most likely will be a next time.
“It’s always helpful to recognize what works well, in addition to what does not. For this reason, I also recommend identifying your ambassadors. Notice when they step up to the plate in support of your relationship; give them credit where credit is due. And invite them step forward whenever their warmth, wisdom, calm are needed.
“If your primitives are allowed to have their way–as sometimes happens–there will be no lollygagging around when danger’s afoot. Life will be filled with one crisis after another, as you continually fire blind without thinking of the consequences. But when relationships are at stake, you want to avoid pulling the trigger. So call on your ambassadors to slow things down.
“Identify your partner’s primitives and ambassadors in action. At times, especially if your partner’s primitives are large and in charge, you may be able to do this before your partner can. Likewise, your partner sometimes may be able to do it for you before you can yourself. – Stan Tatkin in Wired for Love
What an awesome description of explaining what to do to have life and relationships work. Of course it is easier said than done. Like he said “better luck next time,” as you try again to calm the primitives down so the ambassadors can work well.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Brain's Ambassadors
Brain's "ambassadors are the rational, social, and very civilized
part of our brain. It's not that they're disinterested in
self-survival; they're on the same page as the primitives when it comes
to survival. As we already noted, whenever a threat is detected,
they're the ones tasked with checking and rechecking all relevant
information for accuracy. Nevertheless, given their druthers, our
ambassadors would just as soon use their intelligence to sustain peace
and foster social harmony and lasting relationships. By nature, they
are calm, cool, and collected, and like to weigh options and plan for
the future. They favor complexity and novelty, and they learn quickly.
"If not for our ambassadors, we would be friendless, alone, and possibly even in prison. They allow us to be in relationships for the purpose of more than simply procreation and survival of the species. Like real ambassadors, they represent us in the world. With appropriate and skillful diplomacy, they calm fears and cool tempers, either within us or within others.
"... Let's meet the ambassadors and look at how they help us not only avoid war, but maintain peace and love in relationships:
"Ventral vagal complex (smart vagus) - Exerts a calming effect by slowing the cardiovascular and respiratory systems (i.g. by a long, slow exhale.
"Hippocampus - Handles short-term and long-term memory, controls anti-stress hormones, and tracks location and direction.
"Insula - Provides awareness of internal bodily cues (i.g., gut feelings), including cues associated with attachment and empathy.
"Right brain - Nonverbal and intuitive; specializes in social and emotional processing (e.g., empathy) and body awareness.
"Left brain - Verbal and logical; specializes in processing detailed information and integrating complex sounds and word meanings.
"Orbitofrontal cortex - Serves as the moral and empathic center, communicates with ambassadors and primitives alike, keep them in check.
Using the tools that are in our brain can help us navigate relationship issues.
"If not for our ambassadors, we would be friendless, alone, and possibly even in prison. They allow us to be in relationships for the purpose of more than simply procreation and survival of the species. Like real ambassadors, they represent us in the world. With appropriate and skillful diplomacy, they calm fears and cool tempers, either within us or within others.
"... Let's meet the ambassadors and look at how they help us not only avoid war, but maintain peace and love in relationships:
"Ventral vagal complex (smart vagus) - Exerts a calming effect by slowing the cardiovascular and respiratory systems (i.g. by a long, slow exhale.
"Hippocampus - Handles short-term and long-term memory, controls anti-stress hormones, and tracks location and direction.
"Insula - Provides awareness of internal bodily cues (i.g., gut feelings), including cues associated with attachment and empathy.
"Right brain - Nonverbal and intuitive; specializes in social and emotional processing (e.g., empathy) and body awareness.
"Left brain - Verbal and logical; specializes in processing detailed information and integrating complex sounds and word meanings.
"Orbitofrontal cortex - Serves as the moral and empathic center, communicates with ambassadors and primitives alike, keep them in check.
Using the tools that are in our brain can help us navigate relationship issues.
Brain Primitives
Our brain has many amazing parts that can help us. One part is the
primitives. "The primitives are naturally geared to wage war. Whether
it's a little battle or a big battle, they're ready to defend us,
whatever it takes. They allow us to sense, feel, and react, and tend to
be the first receivers of information, both inside and outside the
body. This makes them fast at identifying dangers and threats, and
expedient when dealing with those dangers and threats. In fact, our
primitives have all the advantages millions of years of evolution can
afford, such as integration, efficiency, and speed. They are the first
to arrive on the scene and will likely be the last ones standing at the
end (death).
"Amygdalae - Pick up signals (e.g., dangerous words and phrases; dangerous faces voices, sounds, movements, postures, smells)
"Hypothalamus - Releases chemical in the brain and gives instructions to the pituitary and adrenal glands to release stress chemicals into the body; signals the need to fight, fee, or freeze
"Pituitary and adrenal glands - Receive commands from the hypothalamus to release stress chemicals
"Dorsal motor vagal complex (dumb vagus) - Reacts to stress or danger by extensively slowing the cardiovascular and respiratory systems" - Stan Tatkin in Wired for Love
"Amygdalae - Pick up signals (e.g., dangerous words and phrases; dangerous faces voices, sounds, movements, postures, smells)
"Hypothalamus - Releases chemical in the brain and gives instructions to the pituitary and adrenal glands to release stress chemicals into the body; signals the need to fight, fee, or freeze
"Pituitary and adrenal glands - Receive commands from the hypothalamus to release stress chemicals
"Dorsal motor vagal complex (dumb vagus) - Reacts to stress or danger by extensively slowing the cardiovascular and respiratory systems" - Stan Tatkin in Wired for Love
Couples at war
"Couples at war have certain tell-tale behavior signs. Some partners
get very excited, while others become slow, sleepy, or even collapse.
Whichever posture they take, partners at war say and do things that are
decidedly unfriendly. Each time they fight, they tend to recycle the
same complaints, the same examples, the same theories, and the same
solutions. Of course, their battles can expand, as well--to include
other people ('Even so-and-so says you're self-centered'); other moments
in history ('You did the same thing when we first went out'); and other
topics ('When you do that, it drives me nuts, too'). Couples often
spend inordinate amounts of time debating facts and struggles to
reconstruct and sequence stressful relationship events, leaving them no
time or resources to sort out the real reason for their conflict." -
Stan Tatkin in Wired for Love
As I see fighting couples in my office, many times the patterns in how they fight can be seen, over and over again. Stopping these patterns and using tools that can help them can be very enlightening.
As I see fighting couples in my office, many times the patterns in how they fight can be seen, over and over again. Stopping these patterns and using tools that can help them can be very enlightening.
Every child needs
"Every child needs a home where he is understood and this child
especially needs one where a family can help him develop his gifted
talents and support him through the insecurities that stem from such
giftedness." Kathleen Casper, Esq. in Fostering Families
Children need a safe place to explore their giftings and talents. However, their talents need encouragement and support to go further with their talent.
www.The-Wind-Project.com
Children need a safe place to explore their giftings and talents. However, their talents need encouragement and support to go further with their talent.
www.The-Wind-Project.com
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