"During the initial phase of a relationship, partners may give clues
about their basic predilections with regard to physical proximity,
emotional intimacy, and concerns regarding safety and security. But it
is only when the relationship becomes permanent in either or both
partners' mind that these predilections really come to life.
"Much
of what we do, we do automatically and without thinking. This is
largely the work of our primitives. In relationships, one of the things
partners typically are unaware of is how they physically move toward
and away from each other. Our brain's reaction to physically move
toward and away from each other. Our brain's reaction to physical
proximity and duration of proximity is wired from early childhood, and
influences such things as where we choose to stand or sit in relation to
one another, how we adjust distance between us, how embrace, how we
make love, and just about everything we do that involves physical
movement and static physical space. because we operate largely on
automatic pilot, we remain oblivious to this entire dimension of our
interactions. Moreover, we handle physical proximity differently during
courtship than in more committed phases of relationship. For example,
many couples touch constantly while they're dating, but the frequency
with which they touch drops off dramatically after they make a
commitment. This can be very confusing, and can lead partners to
wonder, "Do I even know who you are anymore?" - Stan Tatkin, Psy.D. in Wired for Love
The
beginning of relationship we are aware of how we want to be together.
When the relationship gets permanent then our old patterns become more
prominent.
Renee Madison, MA, LPC, CSAT is a counselor in Colorado. She can be reached for appointments at 303-257-7623 or 970-324-6928
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Rules help us
Rules provide structure, preparing us for encounters with tempting stimuli.
Rules become more automatic than the appetites they are deflecting.
Some of us have good habits and some of us have bad habits.
www.The-Wind-Project.com
Friday, March 29, 2013
Our God is Greater
Our God is Greater - Chris Tomlin
http://youtu.be/zlA5IDnpGhc
www.The-Wind-Project.com
http://youtu.be/zlA5IDnpGhc
www.The-Wind-Project.com
Couple Therapy
"What I learned confirmed Bowlby's message that patterns of relating
created by attachment, separation, and loss during the first few years
of life become fixed and impact all future relationships. It also
confirmed that couples' narratives (i.e. their presenting problems) are
the logical products of the cortex playing catch-up with the emotional
part of the brain. The limbic system reacts almost instantaneously.
This understanding supports the view that couple therapy should
concentrate not on the espoused content of the partners' conflict but
rather on their underlying core dynamics.
"Dr Walter Bracelmanns, who was developing his own integration of couple therapy. I thank him for the support that he gave to the new idea that the focus of the work is the relationship, not the growth of the individual self of each partner." - Marion Solomon in Love and War in Intimate Relationships
Couple therapy theories vary greatly. So many different types of therapies for couples can be confusing. Marion Solomon's focus is the couple and getting the coupleship to work.
www.the-wind-project.com
"Dr Walter Bracelmanns, who was developing his own integration of couple therapy. I thank him for the support that he gave to the new idea that the focus of the work is the relationship, not the growth of the individual self of each partner." - Marion Solomon in Love and War in Intimate Relationships
Couple therapy theories vary greatly. So many different types of therapies for couples can be confusing. Marion Solomon's focus is the couple and getting the coupleship to work.
www.the-wind-project.com
Adult Attachment
"We now understand the role of secure attachments in the promotion of
mature development, self-confidence, and autonomy (Feeney, 2007), the
origin and the impact of insecure attachment orientations, and the
importance of both to intimate partnerships. And we now know that the
lack of secure attachment bonds early in life does not condemn one to a
lifetime of unhappy relationships (Byng-Hall 1999); it is possible to
earn security over time via new, reparative relationships (Main, 2003).
..."The psychobiological model, developed by Stan Tatkin, is rooted in the perception introduced by Marion Solomon 15 years ago (Lean on Me: The Power of Positive Dependence in Intimate Relationships) that each partner in an adult primary attachment relationship must learn to be the other's secure base (Solomon, 1984, 1994).
..."insecure attachment patterns evident even in the glow of new relationship can turn love into war. Key moments of emotional connection spark negative cycles that can take over the partners' behavior and communication." - Marion Soloman and Stan Tatkin in Love and War in Intimate Relationships
There is hope for couples that are seemingly always at war and for those who have had rough relationships. This is not an easy process. Becoming a secure base for each other takes concerted effort.
www.The-Wind-Project.com
..."The psychobiological model, developed by Stan Tatkin, is rooted in the perception introduced by Marion Solomon 15 years ago (Lean on Me: The Power of Positive Dependence in Intimate Relationships) that each partner in an adult primary attachment relationship must learn to be the other's secure base (Solomon, 1984, 1994).
..."insecure attachment patterns evident even in the glow of new relationship can turn love into war. Key moments of emotional connection spark negative cycles that can take over the partners' behavior and communication." - Marion Soloman and Stan Tatkin in Love and War in Intimate Relationships
There is hope for couples that are seemingly always at war and for those who have had rough relationships. This is not an easy process. Becoming a secure base for each other takes concerted effort.
www.The-Wind-Project.com
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
The New Old
"A movement known as the new old age is sweeping society. The social
norm for the elderly used to be passive and grim; consigned to rocking
chairs, they were expected to enter physical and mental decline. Now
the reverse is true. Older people have higher expectations that they
will remain active and vital. As a result, the definition of old age
has shifted. A survey asked a sample of baby boomers 'When does old age
begin?' The average answer was 85. As expectations rise, clearly the
brain must keep pace and accommodate the new old age. The old theory of
the fixed and stagnant brain held that an aging brain was inevitable.
Supposedly brain cells died continuously over time as a person aged, and
their loss was irreversible.
"Now we understand how flexible and dynamic the brain is, the inevitability of cell loss is not longer valid. In the aging process--which progresses at about 1 percent a year after the age of thirty--no two people age alike. Even identical twins, born with the same genes, will have very different patterns of gene activity at age seventy, and their bodies can be dramatically different as a result of lifestyle choices. Such choices didn't add or subtract from the genes they were born with; rather, almost every aspect of life--diet, activity, stress, relationships, work, and the physical environment--changed the activity of those genes. Indeed, no single aspect of aging is inevitable. For any function, mental or physical, you can find people who improve over time. There are ninety-year-old stockbrokers who conduct complex transactions with memories that have improved over time.
"The problem is that too many of us adhere to the norm. As we get older, we tend to get lazy and apathetic about learning. It takes smaller stresses to upset us, and these stresses linger for a longer time. What used to be dismissed as an elderly person's 'being set in his ways' can now be traced to the mind-brain connection. Sometimes the brain is dominant in this partnership. Suppose a restaurant is behind in seating its patrons who have reservations. A younger person who must stand in line feels mild annoyance, but it dissipates once he is seated. An older person may react with a flash of anger--and remain resentful even after he has been seated. This is the difference in the physical stress response that the brain is responsible for. Likewise, when older people get overwhelmed by too much sensory input (a noisy traffic jam, a crowded department store), their brains are probably exhibiting diminished function to take in tidal waves of data from the busy world.
"Much of the time, however, the mind dominates the mind-brain connection. As we get older, we tend to simplify our mental activities, often as a defense mechanism or security blanket. We feel secure with what we know, and we go out of our way to avoid learning anything new. The behavior strikes younger people as irritability and stubbornness, but the real cause can be traced to the dance between mind and brain. For many but not all older people, the music slows down. What's most important is they not walk off the dance floor--which would pave the way for decline of both mind and brain. Instead of your brain making new synapses, it keeps hardwiring the ones you already have. In this downward spiral of mental activity, the aged person will eventually have fewer dendrites and synapses per neuron in the cerebral cortex." - Deepak Chopra, M.D. and Rudolph E. Tanzi, Ph.D. in Super Brain.
To keep a young brain, one that is growing, we must keep learning and doing new things. We need to calm down when we get stressed. This way we can have the new old brain and life.
www.The-Wind-Project.com
"Now we understand how flexible and dynamic the brain is, the inevitability of cell loss is not longer valid. In the aging process--which progresses at about 1 percent a year after the age of thirty--no two people age alike. Even identical twins, born with the same genes, will have very different patterns of gene activity at age seventy, and their bodies can be dramatically different as a result of lifestyle choices. Such choices didn't add or subtract from the genes they were born with; rather, almost every aspect of life--diet, activity, stress, relationships, work, and the physical environment--changed the activity of those genes. Indeed, no single aspect of aging is inevitable. For any function, mental or physical, you can find people who improve over time. There are ninety-year-old stockbrokers who conduct complex transactions with memories that have improved over time.
"The problem is that too many of us adhere to the norm. As we get older, we tend to get lazy and apathetic about learning. It takes smaller stresses to upset us, and these stresses linger for a longer time. What used to be dismissed as an elderly person's 'being set in his ways' can now be traced to the mind-brain connection. Sometimes the brain is dominant in this partnership. Suppose a restaurant is behind in seating its patrons who have reservations. A younger person who must stand in line feels mild annoyance, but it dissipates once he is seated. An older person may react with a flash of anger--and remain resentful even after he has been seated. This is the difference in the physical stress response that the brain is responsible for. Likewise, when older people get overwhelmed by too much sensory input (a noisy traffic jam, a crowded department store), their brains are probably exhibiting diminished function to take in tidal waves of data from the busy world.
"Much of the time, however, the mind dominates the mind-brain connection. As we get older, we tend to simplify our mental activities, often as a defense mechanism or security blanket. We feel secure with what we know, and we go out of our way to avoid learning anything new. The behavior strikes younger people as irritability and stubbornness, but the real cause can be traced to the dance between mind and brain. For many but not all older people, the music slows down. What's most important is they not walk off the dance floor--which would pave the way for decline of both mind and brain. Instead of your brain making new synapses, it keeps hardwiring the ones you already have. In this downward spiral of mental activity, the aged person will eventually have fewer dendrites and synapses per neuron in the cerebral cortex." - Deepak Chopra, M.D. and Rudolph E. Tanzi, Ph.D. in Super Brain.
To keep a young brain, one that is growing, we must keep learning and doing new things. We need to calm down when we get stressed. This way we can have the new old brain and life.
www.The-Wind-Project.com
Monday, March 25, 2013
Brain Myths
"Five myths in particular have proved limiting, and obstructive to
change. All were once accepted as fact, even a decade or two ago.
[Myth 1:] "The injured brain cannot heal itself. Now we know that the brain has amazing powers of healing unsuspected in the past.
[Myth 2:] "The brain's hardwiring cannot be changed. In fact, the line between hard and soft wiring is shifting all the time, and our ability to rewire our brains remains intact from birth to the end of life.
[Myth 3:] "Aging in the brain is inevitable and irreversible. To counter this outmoded belief, new techniques for keeping the brain youthful and retaining mental acuity are arising every day.
[Myth 4:] "The brain loses millions of cells a day, and lost brain cells cannot be replaced. In fact the brain contains stem cells that are capable of maturing into new brain cells throughout life. How we lose or gain brain cells is a complex issue. Most of the findings are good news for everyone who is afraid of losing mental capacity as they age.
[Myth 5:] "Primitive reactions (fear, anger, jealousy, aggression) overrule the higher brain. Because our brains are imprinted with genetic memory over thousands of generations, the lower brain is still with us, generating primitive and often negative drives like fear and anger. But the brain is constantly evolving, and we have gained the ability to master the lower brain through choice and free will. The new field of positive psychology is teaching us how best to use free will to promote happiness and overcome negativity.
"It's good news that these five myths have been exploded. The old view made the brain seem fixed, mechanical, and steadily deteriorating. This turns out to be far from the case. You are creating reality at this very minute, and if that process remains alive and dynamic, your brain will be able to keep up with it, year after year." - Deepak Chopra, M.D. and Rudolph E. Tanzi, Ph.D. in Super Brain
It is encouraging and enlightening that the brain's old myths are not true. It is easy now to be an optimist about how our brains can change for the better.
www.The-Wind-Project.com
[Myth 1:] "The injured brain cannot heal itself. Now we know that the brain has amazing powers of healing unsuspected in the past.
[Myth 2:] "The brain's hardwiring cannot be changed. In fact, the line between hard and soft wiring is shifting all the time, and our ability to rewire our brains remains intact from birth to the end of life.
[Myth 3:] "Aging in the brain is inevitable and irreversible. To counter this outmoded belief, new techniques for keeping the brain youthful and retaining mental acuity are arising every day.
[Myth 4:] "The brain loses millions of cells a day, and lost brain cells cannot be replaced. In fact the brain contains stem cells that are capable of maturing into new brain cells throughout life. How we lose or gain brain cells is a complex issue. Most of the findings are good news for everyone who is afraid of losing mental capacity as they age.
[Myth 5:] "Primitive reactions (fear, anger, jealousy, aggression) overrule the higher brain. Because our brains are imprinted with genetic memory over thousands of generations, the lower brain is still with us, generating primitive and often negative drives like fear and anger. But the brain is constantly evolving, and we have gained the ability to master the lower brain through choice and free will. The new field of positive psychology is teaching us how best to use free will to promote happiness and overcome negativity.
"It's good news that these five myths have been exploded. The old view made the brain seem fixed, mechanical, and steadily deteriorating. This turns out to be far from the case. You are creating reality at this very minute, and if that process remains alive and dynamic, your brain will be able to keep up with it, year after year." - Deepak Chopra, M.D. and Rudolph E. Tanzi, Ph.D. in Super Brain
It is encouraging and enlightening that the brain's old myths are not true. It is easy now to be an optimist about how our brains can change for the better.
www.The-Wind-Project.com
Retrain Brain
"Consider stroke victims. Medical science has made huge advances in
patient survival after even massive stokes, some of which can be
attributed to better medications and to the upsurge of trauma units,
since stokes are ideally dealt with as soon as possible. Quick
treatment is saving countless lives, compared to the past.
"But survival isn't the same as recovery. No drugs show comparable success in allowing victims to recover from paralysis, the most common effect of a stroke. ...with stroke patients everything seems to depend on feedback. In the past they mostly sat in a chair with medical attention, and their course of least resistance was to use the side of the body that was unaffected by their stroke. Now rehabilitation activly takes the course of most resistance. If a patient's left hand is paralyzed, for example, the therapist will have her use only that hand to pick up a coffee cup or comb her hair.
"At first these tasks are physically impossible. Even barely raising a paralyzed hand causes pain and frustration. But if the patient repeats the intention to use the bad hand, over and over, new feedback loops develop. The brain adapts, and slowly there is a new function. We now see remarkable recoveries in patients who walk, talk, and use their limbs normally with intensive rehab. Even twenty years ago these functions would have shown only minor improvements.
"And all we have done so far is to explore the implications of two worlds.
"The
super brain credo bridges two worlds, biology and experience. Biology
is great at explaining physical processes, but it is totally inadequate
at telling us about the meaning and purpose of our subjective
experience. ...We need both worlds to understand ourselves. Otherwise,
we fall into the biology fallacy, which holds that humans are controlled
by their brains. Leaving aside countless arguments between various
theories of mind and brain, the goal is clear: We want to use our
brains, not have them use us." Deepak Chopra, M.D. and Rudolph E. Tanzi,
Ph.D. in Super Brain
It is exciting to know that we can retrain our brain and body when there is damage. Stroke victims are just one avenue that holds out hope for a brighter future.
www.The-Wind-Project.com
"But survival isn't the same as recovery. No drugs show comparable success in allowing victims to recover from paralysis, the most common effect of a stroke. ...with stroke patients everything seems to depend on feedback. In the past they mostly sat in a chair with medical attention, and their course of least resistance was to use the side of the body that was unaffected by their stroke. Now rehabilitation activly takes the course of most resistance. If a patient's left hand is paralyzed, for example, the therapist will have her use only that hand to pick up a coffee cup or comb her hair.
"At first these tasks are physically impossible. Even barely raising a paralyzed hand causes pain and frustration. But if the patient repeats the intention to use the bad hand, over and over, new feedback loops develop. The brain adapts, and slowly there is a new function. We now see remarkable recoveries in patients who walk, talk, and use their limbs normally with intensive rehab. Even twenty years ago these functions would have shown only minor improvements.
"And all we have done so far is to explore the implications of two worlds.
It is exciting to know that we can retrain our brain and body when there is damage. Stroke victims are just one avenue that holds out hope for a brighter future.
www.The-Wind-Project.com
Addicted too?
"Many women [and men] who love too much also eat too much or spend
too much. Addictions aren't discrete entities; they overlap in their
physical and emotional roots. In fact, recovery from one addiction may
actually cause another addiction to accelerate.
"Fortunately, the same steps for recovery apply equally well to all addictions." - Robin Norwood in Daily Meditations for Women Who Love Too Much
Many codependents of addicts find that their co-addiction is also an addiction. Enabling behaviors that are hurtful for one person is hurtful for the other.
www.The-Wind-Project.com
"Fortunately, the same steps for recovery apply equally well to all addictions." - Robin Norwood in Daily Meditations for Women Who Love Too Much
Many codependents of addicts find that their co-addiction is also an addiction. Enabling behaviors that are hurtful for one person is hurtful for the other.
www.The-Wind-Project.com
Albert Einstein's Brain
"When Albert Einstein died in 1955 at the age of seventy-six, there
was tremendous curiosity about the most famous brain of the twentieth
century. Assuming that something physical must have created such
genius, an autopsy what performed on Einstein's brain. Defying
expectations that big thoughts required a big brain, Einstein's brain
actually weighed 10 percent less than the average brain.
..."Super brain rests on the credo of connecting the mind and brain in a new way. It's not the physical side that makes the crucial difference. It''s a person's resolve, intention, patience, hope, and diligence. These are all the a matter of how the mind relates to the brain, for better or worse. We can summarize the relationship in ten principles.
"Super Brain Credo- How the mind relates to the brain:
1. The process always involves feedback loop.
2. These feedback loops are intelligent and adaptable.
3. The dynamics of the brain go in and out of balance but always favor overall balance, known as homeostasis.
4. We use our brains to evolve and develop, guided by our intentions.
5. Self-reflection pushes us forward into unknown territory.
6. Many diverse areas of the brain are coordinated simultaneously.
7. We have the capacity to monitor many leven of awareness, even though our focus is generally confined to one level (i.e., waking, sleeping or dreaming).
8. All qualities of the known world, such as sight, sound, texture, and taste, are created mysteriously by the interaction of mind and brain.
9. Mind, not the brain, is the origin of consciousness.
10. Only consciousness can understand consciousness. No mechanical explanation, working from facts about the brain, suffices." - Deepak Chopra, M.D. and Rudolph E. Tanzi, Ph.D. in Super Brain
So many theories and new information about the brain are coming out in the past few years. What was thought as the best predictor of intelligence, like a big brain, are no longer viable. I find reading different authors on the subject most intriguing.
www.The-Wind-Project.com
..."Super brain rests on the credo of connecting the mind and brain in a new way. It's not the physical side that makes the crucial difference. It''s a person's resolve, intention, patience, hope, and diligence. These are all the a matter of how the mind relates to the brain, for better or worse. We can summarize the relationship in ten principles.
"Super Brain Credo- How the mind relates to the brain:
1. The process always involves feedback loop.
2. These feedback loops are intelligent and adaptable.
3. The dynamics of the brain go in and out of balance but always favor overall balance, known as homeostasis.
4. We use our brains to evolve and develop, guided by our intentions.
5. Self-reflection pushes us forward into unknown territory.
6. Many diverse areas of the brain are coordinated simultaneously.
7. We have the capacity to monitor many leven of awareness, even though our focus is generally confined to one level (i.e., waking, sleeping or dreaming).
8. All qualities of the known world, such as sight, sound, texture, and taste, are created mysteriously by the interaction of mind and brain.
9. Mind, not the brain, is the origin of consciousness.
10. Only consciousness can understand consciousness. No mechanical explanation, working from facts about the brain, suffices." - Deepak Chopra, M.D. and Rudolph E. Tanzi, Ph.D. in Super Brain
So many theories and new information about the brain are coming out in the past few years. What was thought as the best predictor of intelligence, like a big brain, are no longer viable. I find reading different authors on the subject most intriguing.
www.The-Wind-Project.com
Friday, March 22, 2013
Chris Tomlin & Kari Jobe - Whom Shall I Fear [God of Angel Armies] (Passion 2013)
http://youtu.be/fiBn6mPjvG0
Who Am I?
"I am not what has happened to me but am what I am going to become." - Carl Jung
I like this quote, it offers hope. It is important to keep working to become a better person. To keep making healthier choices for yourself will in the end make your life healthier after a time.
www.the-wind-project.com
I like this quote, it offers hope. It is important to keep working to become a better person. To keep making healthier choices for yourself will in the end make your life healthier after a time.
www.the-wind-project.com
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
Working Brain's Primitives and Ambassadors
“Identifying your primitives in action helps to hold them in check.
Now that you know who your primitives are and how they operate, see if
you can catch them in the act. When a red alert is going off, for
example, can you recognize it for what is? I’m not suggesting you will
automatically know how to instantly turn it off. First simply recognize
that your amygdalae are sounding an alarm. This alarm may take the
form of your heart racing, palms sweating, face burning, or muscles
tightening, or you may notice yourself suddenly becoming weak, slouched,
nauseous, faint, numb, or shut down.
“Of course, identifying your primitives can be accomplished only by none other than…your ambassadors; specifically, your hippocampus. By definition, if you are able to notice your primitives in action, they can’t have gained the upper hand. If they have, it’s too late; better luck next time. And you can be assured that there most likely will be a next time.
“It’s always helpful to recognize what works well, in addition to what does not. For this reason, I also recommend identifying your ambassadors. Notice when they step up to the plate in support of your relationship; give them credit where credit is due. And invite them step forward whenever their warmth, wisdom, calm are needed.
“If your primitives are allowed to have their way–as sometimes happens–there will be no lollygagging around when danger’s afoot. Life will be filled with one crisis after another, as you continually fire blind without thinking of the consequences. But when relationships are at stake, you want to avoid pulling the trigger. So call on your ambassadors to slow things down.
“Identify your partner’s primitives and ambassadors in action. At times, especially if your partner’s primitives are large and in charge, you may be able to do this before your partner can. Likewise, your partner sometimes may be able to do it for you before you can yourself. – Stan Tatkin in Wired for Love
What an awesome description of explaining what to do to have life and relationships work. Of course it is easier said than done. Like he said “better luck next time,” as you try again to calm the primitives down so the ambassadors can work well.
“Of course, identifying your primitives can be accomplished only by none other than…your ambassadors; specifically, your hippocampus. By definition, if you are able to notice your primitives in action, they can’t have gained the upper hand. If they have, it’s too late; better luck next time. And you can be assured that there most likely will be a next time.
“It’s always helpful to recognize what works well, in addition to what does not. For this reason, I also recommend identifying your ambassadors. Notice when they step up to the plate in support of your relationship; give them credit where credit is due. And invite them step forward whenever their warmth, wisdom, calm are needed.
“If your primitives are allowed to have their way–as sometimes happens–there will be no lollygagging around when danger’s afoot. Life will be filled with one crisis after another, as you continually fire blind without thinking of the consequences. But when relationships are at stake, you want to avoid pulling the trigger. So call on your ambassadors to slow things down.
“Identify your partner’s primitives and ambassadors in action. At times, especially if your partner’s primitives are large and in charge, you may be able to do this before your partner can. Likewise, your partner sometimes may be able to do it for you before you can yourself. – Stan Tatkin in Wired for Love
What an awesome description of explaining what to do to have life and relationships work. Of course it is easier said than done. Like he said “better luck next time,” as you try again to calm the primitives down so the ambassadors can work well.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Brain's Ambassadors
Brain's "ambassadors are the rational, social, and very civilized
part of our brain. It's not that they're disinterested in
self-survival; they're on the same page as the primitives when it comes
to survival. As we already noted, whenever a threat is detected,
they're the ones tasked with checking and rechecking all relevant
information for accuracy. Nevertheless, given their druthers, our
ambassadors would just as soon use their intelligence to sustain peace
and foster social harmony and lasting relationships. By nature, they
are calm, cool, and collected, and like to weigh options and plan for
the future. They favor complexity and novelty, and they learn quickly.
"If not for our ambassadors, we would be friendless, alone, and possibly even in prison. They allow us to be in relationships for the purpose of more than simply procreation and survival of the species. Like real ambassadors, they represent us in the world. With appropriate and skillful diplomacy, they calm fears and cool tempers, either within us or within others.
"... Let's meet the ambassadors and look at how they help us not only avoid war, but maintain peace and love in relationships:
"Ventral vagal complex (smart vagus) - Exerts a calming effect by slowing the cardiovascular and respiratory systems (i.g. by a long, slow exhale.
"Hippocampus - Handles short-term and long-term memory, controls anti-stress hormones, and tracks location and direction.
"Insula - Provides awareness of internal bodily cues (i.g., gut feelings), including cues associated with attachment and empathy.
"Right brain - Nonverbal and intuitive; specializes in social and emotional processing (e.g., empathy) and body awareness.
"Left brain - Verbal and logical; specializes in processing detailed information and integrating complex sounds and word meanings.
"Orbitofrontal cortex - Serves as the moral and empathic center, communicates with ambassadors and primitives alike, keep them in check.
Using the tools that are in our brain can help us navigate relationship issues.
"If not for our ambassadors, we would be friendless, alone, and possibly even in prison. They allow us to be in relationships for the purpose of more than simply procreation and survival of the species. Like real ambassadors, they represent us in the world. With appropriate and skillful diplomacy, they calm fears and cool tempers, either within us or within others.
"... Let's meet the ambassadors and look at how they help us not only avoid war, but maintain peace and love in relationships:
"Ventral vagal complex (smart vagus) - Exerts a calming effect by slowing the cardiovascular and respiratory systems (i.g. by a long, slow exhale.
"Hippocampus - Handles short-term and long-term memory, controls anti-stress hormones, and tracks location and direction.
"Insula - Provides awareness of internal bodily cues (i.g., gut feelings), including cues associated with attachment and empathy.
"Right brain - Nonverbal and intuitive; specializes in social and emotional processing (e.g., empathy) and body awareness.
"Left brain - Verbal and logical; specializes in processing detailed information and integrating complex sounds and word meanings.
"Orbitofrontal cortex - Serves as the moral and empathic center, communicates with ambassadors and primitives alike, keep them in check.
Using the tools that are in our brain can help us navigate relationship issues.
Brain Primitives
Our brain has many amazing parts that can help us. One part is the
primitives. "The primitives are naturally geared to wage war. Whether
it's a little battle or a big battle, they're ready to defend us,
whatever it takes. They allow us to sense, feel, and react, and tend to
be the first receivers of information, both inside and outside the
body. This makes them fast at identifying dangers and threats, and
expedient when dealing with those dangers and threats. In fact, our
primitives have all the advantages millions of years of evolution can
afford, such as integration, efficiency, and speed. They are the first
to arrive on the scene and will likely be the last ones standing at the
end (death).
"Amygdalae - Pick up signals (e.g., dangerous words and phrases; dangerous faces voices, sounds, movements, postures, smells)
"Hypothalamus - Releases chemical in the brain and gives instructions to the pituitary and adrenal glands to release stress chemicals into the body; signals the need to fight, fee, or freeze
"Pituitary and adrenal glands - Receive commands from the hypothalamus to release stress chemicals
"Dorsal motor vagal complex (dumb vagus) - Reacts to stress or danger by extensively slowing the cardiovascular and respiratory systems" - Stan Tatkin in Wired for Love
"Amygdalae - Pick up signals (e.g., dangerous words and phrases; dangerous faces voices, sounds, movements, postures, smells)
"Hypothalamus - Releases chemical in the brain and gives instructions to the pituitary and adrenal glands to release stress chemicals into the body; signals the need to fight, fee, or freeze
"Pituitary and adrenal glands - Receive commands from the hypothalamus to release stress chemicals
"Dorsal motor vagal complex (dumb vagus) - Reacts to stress or danger by extensively slowing the cardiovascular and respiratory systems" - Stan Tatkin in Wired for Love
Couples at war
"Couples at war have certain tell-tale behavior signs. Some partners
get very excited, while others become slow, sleepy, or even collapse.
Whichever posture they take, partners at war say and do things that are
decidedly unfriendly. Each time they fight, they tend to recycle the
same complaints, the same examples, the same theories, and the same
solutions. Of course, their battles can expand, as well--to include
other people ('Even so-and-so says you're self-centered'); other moments
in history ('You did the same thing when we first went out'); and other
topics ('When you do that, it drives me nuts, too'). Couples often
spend inordinate amounts of time debating facts and struggles to
reconstruct and sequence stressful relationship events, leaving them no
time or resources to sort out the real reason for their conflict." -
Stan Tatkin in Wired for Love
As I see fighting couples in my office, many times the patterns in how they fight can be seen, over and over again. Stopping these patterns and using tools that can help them can be very enlightening.
As I see fighting couples in my office, many times the patterns in how they fight can be seen, over and over again. Stopping these patterns and using tools that can help them can be very enlightening.
Every child needs
"Every child needs a home where he is understood and this child
especially needs one where a family can help him develop his gifted
talents and support him through the insecurities that stem from such
giftedness." Kathleen Casper, Esq. in Fostering Families
Children need a safe place to explore their giftings and talents. However, their talents need encouragement and support to go further with their talent.
www.The-Wind-Project.com
Children need a safe place to explore their giftings and talents. However, their talents need encouragement and support to go further with their talent.
www.The-Wind-Project.com
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