Broken in Relationships and Healed in Relationships

"You and your partner should become familiar with each others' relationship styles.

"We get to know our partner fully in order to become competent as managers of our partners in the best way.  Be competent managers, I mean partners who are experts on one another and know how to move, shift, motivate, influence, soothe, and inspire one another.  In contrast, partners who are not expects on one another tend to create a mutual  sense of threat and insecurity.  they don't enjoy a couple bubble.  These partners also tend to wish the other would change, listen to them, or do things the way they do, and ultimately believe they they coupled with the wrong person.  Sadly, these partners merely recreate the insensitivity, injustice, and insecurity of their childhood, never really knowing what is withing their reach  'if only....'
"For many people, closeness brings both the promise of safety and security and a threat to safety and security.  This raises the question, how do you get what and need from a relationship, while avoiding what you fear might happen?  This quandary is similar to stealing honey without being stung by a bee.  The degree to which we must work to gt the honey, while avoiding getting stung, in intimate relationships is the degree to which we feel fundamentally insecure.  But here's the rule: if we feel insecure about close relationships, there is no way to become more secure without being in one.  No book or audiotape, workshop, or religion can alter our sense of relationship security. In other words, as far as relationships go, we are hurt by people and yet we can be healed only by people."
"And that's the good news.  It is entirely possible to become an anchor by spending time in a close, dependent, secure relationship with another person.  That person can be a therapist, or it can be a primarily romantic partner who is an anchor or close to becoming one.  Though the purpose of this book is not specifically to convert you or your partner into anchors, its principles will guide you toward a more secure relationship.  Spend enough time in a secure relationship, and you'll become in anchor!" - Stan Tatkin, Psy. D. in Wired for Love

We are broken in relationships and we are healed in relationship.  We need other relationships to heal our emotions and hearts.

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