Traumatic bonding

"So she was mystified as to why she still had these feelings for someone who had hurt her and her loved ones so badly.  I told her that the feelings are normal.  In the language of addictions we call them cravings; they do not go away simply because you understand.  Many get to the point of understanding but get pulled back in by the emotional reactivity.  The key is to dismantle the reactivity and the other trauma solutions that support traumatic bonding.  The relapse prevention plan you just completed focuses specifically on the relationship life itself.  Now we need to focus on how reactivity, arousal, blocking, splitting, deprivation, shame and repetition are used in that relationship.  Only then will you have sufficient distance to recognize that the feelings are not about reality.  They are like the Sirens of the ancient Greeks who seduced unwary sailors off course, where they crashed on the rocks hidden under the sea....

"Survivors of terror tend to react in extremes.  Their "alarm system" is set to hypersensitive.  The result is inner turmoil, personal chaos and relationship dysfunction.... By finding healthy ways to manage the internal reactions, you will be less vulnerable to those dysfunctional coping strategies.

"Start by listing ways that you underreact and ways you overreact in the relationships you are concerned about.  Give a description of what the reaction is, what the feeling is and the behavior that results from it.  Describe a specific event in which that happened.  Then describe an appropriate response strategy and what probably would have happened had you done that." - Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D. in The Betrayal Bond

Working through traumas is important to your mental state and emotions.  We can react in unusual ways in our lives  when we have trauma bonded.  Traumas need to be worked through and new ways of living identified.

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